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18-May-2018 21:00

'Imagine you’re a straight man on a desert island with only men. 'I felt: “Good grief, what the hell was it all about? But after their second child was born, her husband left, and subsequent relationships haven’t worked out. I might meet up with another aromantic, but I’m not looking for it.’ She lives with her divorced eldest son (who is aware of her asexuality) and his daughter.You’re not sexually attracted to anybody because everybody is male but you still have sexual desires and you can still feel pleasure down there.’ So is it like someone who has no appetite but can still experience the pleasant taste of food? Growing up with no interest in sex during the sexual revolution, Jean Wilson recalls, 'My friends couldn’t believe it. 'The problem is that as you get older [dating is] more difficult anyway, and when you add in the asexuality, it makes it even more difficult. 'I really don’t need a close relationship, I don’t even need a best friend, and I’m quite happy the way I am.’ Prof Bogaert stresses that asexuality is not a problem.

It’s like having blue eyes or grey hair.’ And there is marginalisation.Some asexuals are disgusted by the idea of sex and remain virgins for life, but others may masturbate and be capable of feeling pleasure sexually and having orgasms. They still have a general “sex drive”, but they just don’t connect that drive to anyone. Thus, they are asexual from a sexual orientation perspective.’ In other words, some people are attracted to the opposite sex, some to the same sex, some to both, and some to no one (asexual). I just wanted to be friends.’ Although she could orgasm, she never understood society’s fascination with sex.Michael Doré, a 30-year-old mathematics researcher at the University of Birmingham, who organised the London asexuality conference, explains it using the 'desert island analogy’. 'It’s never appealed to me, it’s never interested me, it’s a total mystery to me why people are so obsessed.’ At 28, Jean married and had sex for the first time. That was a dreadful thing to hear as a woman.’ She wanted children, so agreed to sex as a 'chore’ ('In the 1970s I don’t think we knew about turkey basters,’ she explains).'I love him to bits, he’s my best friend, but I don’t have a sexual attraction to him. It’s a shame because I can’t go, “Oh, I think he’s sexy, too.” When I have sex it’s because I know it’s been long enough that he must want to have it.’ Clare told her husband she is asexual but he can’t understand.

'Recently he said, “What is it – don’t you love me?

Clare Green, 37, has been married for 10 years and has a seven-year-old daughter.



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